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Signs You May Be Headed Towards Divorce


Signs You May Be Headed Towards Divorce

Many people, when they think their marriage might be in trouble, will turn to their friends or to the Internet for help. What they find is a lot of conflicting information about the causes of divorce. This can lead to a lot of second-guessing and self-doubt: Do we fight too much? Do we talk enough? Are we having enough sex – or are we having too much? Are our kids unhappy? These questions can go around and around in your mind.

As experienced divorce mediators, we know that every couple is different, and that what leads to the end of one person’s marriage may not cause a problem in yours. There are, however, a few warning signs that could lead a couple to seek professional help, either from a marriage counselor or a divorce mediator.

  1. You are in an abusive relationship. Abuse is not always physical, though many people assume that is what it means. If you and your spouse are overly critical of one another, purposely say hurtful things, or contemptuous, then you may be showing signs that you have lost respect for one another. If you or your child is being physically abused, or if you are fighting urges to be physical yourself, then separating is what is safest for everyone.

  2. You see only negatives, not positives, in your spouse. Acknowledging your flaws (and your spouse’s flaws) is healthy; seeing only flaws without any redeeming qualities is not. If you can only focus on the negatives – he doesn’t listen, she doesn’t help me, etc. – then you may want to sit down with your spouse and determine whether or not the marriage is worth saving, or if you should start exploring other options.

  3. You don’t want to work on your marriage. Every relationship takes some level of work by both parties. If you find that you are uninterested in what your spouse is doing or feeling, or that you no longer want to put work into the marriage, then divorce may be in your future. Having an honest conversation with your spouse about whether you want to stay married, or whether you think it is time to separate, is critical.

Many people think that lack of intimacy or excessive fighting are sure-fire signs of an impending divorce, but that is not always the case. Yes, they may indicate that you and your spouse need to have a serious talk, or that you might want to seek counseling, but these signs on their own do not necessarily indicate that your marriage is on the rocks. All relationships go through highs and lows. However, if one of you seems to have changed entirely, especially when it comes to your values or priority to your family unit, then you may need to reconsider how you move forward together, or at all.

At Divorce Mediation Associates, Ltd., we work with families throughout Northern Virginia seeking a more effective, efficient resolution to their problems. To learn more about our services, call us at 703-665-7592, or fill out our contact form.